Angela
f4ithic3
15.11.1983
27 years old
scorpio
music

a new year has started.. a month of the new year has passed.. and how much has changed in your life?

is there any new resolutions that you have made for this year which you know you probably won't achieve or is there any new beginnings for this year that arised from the endings in the previous years?

i think i am kinda melachony today.. a friend is getting married.. the one who has always been skeptical about marriage.. who had ended relationships cos they were leading to marriage.. and now.. this friend is getting married and all excited about leading a new life with another person.. not to mention the first of the group..

its weird..

now that i am 28 years old.. i must admit that marriage should be next on the list.

but then again, how can you rush such things?

i have friends telling me that she is skeptical about relationships and people..

little trust in others..

and i was thinking, it's scary how much your friends' encounters can affect you..

there are people who are single and alone for the whole of their lives due to ugly encounters from their friends..

i hope i won't be like that..

i really hope so..

mum had told me not to get married too late.. please get married before 30.. but i told her, such things cant be rushed!

who knows, maybe i will only get married at 35?

i mean, i really dono..

to get married is a huge matter..

what kind of man do i want?

someone who loves me to the max? treats me like a princess?

someone romantic?

someone logical?

someone who can control me?

which is better? a romantic silly boy or a logical entertaining man?

they say follow your heart..

but is it always true?

i am not so sure..

after all the encounters and friends' experiences... i am cynical about heart.. the heart doesnt always lead you to the right path..

its good to listen to your brain at times..

how about you?

10:51 PM

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"Are we born who we are, or do we make ourselves that way?"

9:18 PM

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i keep having the same question posed to me, "haven't you thought of changing jobs?"

and this is usually after they commented about my workload..

my answer stays the same, "no".

maybe the workload is a lot.. maybe i have ugly customers at times..

perhaps my first love (of passion) isn't here..

but i love my job..

i really do.

i guess i am a workaholic.. i really can't stand slacking at work most of the time.. even half a day of slacking proved too much for me..

i need to do something.. and something different all the time.. i hate mundane work..

this job gives me the flexibility in work, yet disciplined enough for me not to relax too much..

there is enough control on my side for my own work, yet enough restriction to ensure i follow the basic objectives and rules..

there are lots of courses for me to enrich my knowledge (though there are SOME that are way TOO boring and waste of time)..

there is enough exposure for me to learn things from all fields and know people from all walks of life..

the pay is comfortable enough, though i wouldnt mind increment every now and then..

there is also career prospects as long as i am willing to fight for it..

most importantly, i have a fun group of colleagues who will help me when needed (though they can be irritating at times but then again, so do i!) and supervisors who will protect their subordinates..

all in all, i am in good hands.. =)

so nope, i don't intend to resign anytime soon (if there's no major changes in my life!)..

how about you? are you in good hands?

1:31 AM

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officially one year older this week.. people have been asking me, how do i feel now that i am one year older?

my ans? nothing, just glad that i look younger than my actual age..

but as i lay on my bed, trying to get to zzz.. i thought about the qns again.. how do i really feel now that i am one year older?

i looked back at my years.. and saw the changes.. a friend say i am more mature now.. able to see through life and have learnt to let go of things and people..

but in actual fact, have i really seen through life? of people? do i let go easier now? or am i pretending that i do?

i can understand more of life now.. definitely.. i can understand some things are meant to be.. some aren't..

but do i really accept that explanation? that simple explanation that can lift a person so high up and so down below within seconds?

i dono.

i seriously don't.

朋友說我很瀟灑.. 很看得開..

我真的是嗎? 如果是, 為何我會在夜裡哭泣, 為了過去而哭泣?

there are so many people smiling and laughing all the time.. but are they really happy? or are they hiding their true feelings?

are they like me, only cry when the sky is dark and no one is around?

like me, who will hold on to the last moment, bottle things up till there's no more space except out?

is it healthy?

most say no. but who is to judge?

do those people who show their emotions on their faces all the time healthy? cry all the time in public healthy?

*shrugs*

this trait is something that never change through the years.. even when i am older now, i still cry only when no one is around (if i can help it)..

i am still the kind who will laugh and smile on the outside but cry inside..

the one who will keep things within till it reaches the limit..

only one thing has changed.. i am able to accept reality more readily now.. i am able to accept that simple explanation mentioned earlier..

but it takes time..

how long? i dono. depends i guess.

kinda down these days due to a close friend who had her heart broken.. by a guy she never expect to fall but fell so deeply..

she said this, "love deep, gave all.. hurt deep, lost all.."

and my heart ached.. cos it's so true.. simple truth..

she really tried to let go.. i can see that.. but when night falls, her tears start flowing and insomnia follows..

for 2 months plus, that's her life.. and finally, her body gave way..

i felt sad for her.. i wish i can give her a miracle pill so that she will be happy again.. but i cant..

i also cant tell her that miracle will happen cos it won't..

as a friend, i can only hug her, dry her tears, drink with her, shop with her and advise her..

but a woman myself, i know.. it's not that easy, esp for ladies..

she couldnt stop herself from caring for him.. couldnt stop herself from loving him though she knows he no longer have feelings for her..

she laughs and smiles when we are around.. but when night falls and everyone else has left, she looks at me and i can see the sadness in her..

and i understand the pain and sadness.. the kind where you'd rather you have died or lost memories.. hurt so deeply that you'd wish you have never met that person, never been with that person..

rather not have had any hopes right from the start..

*sighs*

and so.. would you rather have loved and lost or never to have loved before?

1:42 AM

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got a surprise call last night.. made me smile..

a special friend called.. a friend whom i have known since i was 14 years old.. a friend whom always have a special place in my heart..

this friend, A.. seldom calls me.. only once or twice a year.. but one of the calls would always be during my birthday period..

a call to show that i am being remembered.. =)

our calls arent always long, but always full of laughter and bickering (in a good way).. and underneath all these, is care and concern for each other..

both parties smiled.. a true smile..

thats why they always say, distance doesn't affect friendship cos true friendship doesn't depend on the no. of meetups nor phonecalls and definitely not gossiping..

true friendship is the occassional msgs/calls of concern.. the warmth in your heart when you receive the other party's news..

i am indeed lucky, cos i have such friends in my life.. not one, not two.. but a group of angels.. caring for me, separately, in their own ways..

all these angels.. become my friends in different ways.. from school, from forums, from random surfing of net, from work, through friends..

but they all came to the same point: they gotta know me.. know me well enough to see the true me..

know everything about me and love me just the same..

over the years, some left the country.. some got attached.. some focused on their careers.. some got other committments..

but they never forget about me..

no matter how rare our contact are.. friendship stay.. and that's the heartwarming part..

one look and you know, they are always there and will always be there..

thank you my angels..

2:26 PM

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我们结婚吧! (o^^o)

does it work for you? :D

8:10 PM

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小情歌-苏打绿
词曲:吴青峰

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着人们心肠的曲折
我想我很快乐
当有你的温热
脚边的空气转了

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很适合
当一个歌颂者
青春在风中飘着

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很适合
当一个歌颂者
青春在风中飘着

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

9:59 PM

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